Drop some truth to create a breakthrough

“You wanna know why you’re hurting so much when we workout, Andrea? Because you’re doing the bare minimum,” my personal trainer said to me. I was hurtin’ bad after a few too many jumping jacks (300 to be exact) and I wanted to hobble across the gym and choke him with whatever strength I had left.

I was ticked off. But, I knew in my heart, that he was right. I’ve been dragging my feet – quite literally – when it comes to eating well, sleeping and exercising. And, oh I have so many excuses but they all lead to one truth: I’m not doing the work. Plain and simple. I needed him to help me see that.

Sometimes, people need to hear some truth in order to breakthrough something really big that’s holding them back. But, telling people we love some cold-hard truth can be really challenging. Here’s how to do it:

First – be sure that your intentions are truly to help someone…not to show anger. It’s so easy to blurt something out in frustration. Avoid this at all costs…it can truly ruin your relationships.

Second, ask them if they’re ready to hear what you can offer them. “Hey friend – I’ve noticed a few things that might help you get past this problem. Would you like me to share?” When you get permission from others to share what you know, they are much more ready to hear what you have to say – good or bad.

Then, start out by getting a second agreement from them. “I hear you saying you’re tired, you’re achy, that your workouts are hard…and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better, right?” “Yes,” they’ll reply…and that agreement point is where you begin. 

Next, drop some truth – in a kind way. “I’ve also heard you say you’re hooked on those sweet coffees and cookies and big dinners. I get it…but I can see that it’s getting in your way. Can you?” (You’ve just created a third agreement point.) 

Finish with positive words. “I know you can do better than that...and you deserve more. That’s what I see. You’re doing half the work…do the rest! No excuses...get on it and get over it.”

Boom. Now hug it out and keep motivating your friend. My trainer didn’t hug me; he gave me the stink-eye and told me to keep moving. But – we have that kind of tough-love relationship, so it was Kool and the Gang with me. His words helped me to see that I’m not really giving my best…and that it’s time to go full force at this issue. I couldn’t be more grateful that he called my attention to it. If you say it right, your friend will be ever-grateful, too.